| Coaching and
Managing with Emotional Intelligence By Carole Y. Lyles Introduction Managers are faced with an increasingly chaotic workplace and now must use all of their skills to build an empowered work team. Emotional Intelligence (EI) has received more and more attention as a critical cluster of skills for managers because the research shows that managers with high emotional intelligence competency also have work teams with higher productivity, innovation and job satisfaction. To achieve these results, today's managers are expected to serve as coaches, not 'command and control' micro-managers. Coaching skills programs have tended to focus on such core skills as listening, asking questions and delegating. In addition to those skills, managers also need to use emotional intelligence to create a learning environment in which coaching and empowerment can blossom. Daniel Goleman, who is well know for his work on EI, has identified four core clusters of EI: self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness and social skills. For the manager who wants to use coaching as a tool for empowerment and performance management, which areas of EI more critical than others? While all EI competencies are important to anyone’s success, managers need to pay particular attention to three of the five so that they can bring full attention to the employee’s situation and needs. A Word about the word 'Manager' In this article, I will use the words 'coach' and 'manager' interchangeably because I see coaching as a core management skill—not separate from or in addition to the normal management role. In addition, I recognize that many organizations are shifting to team structures and do not use the term manager at all. For convenience, I am using 'manager' to identify anyone in a role of direct responsibility or indirect, team based influence and responsibility. Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation: Being Fully Present for the Employee It is critical for the manager to distinguish between her own emotional state and that of the employee, and to regulate her emotions as she listens, empathizes and conducts mutual problem-solving. Two areas of emotional intelligence can help the manager maintain the necessary balance between contact and distance. Self-Awareness: An ability in-the-moment to notice automatic or learned responses. An ability to notice the presence of my moods, emotions, needs and their impact on others. Honest and continuous self-perception. Open and non-judgmental towards my own reactions. Self-Regulation: An ability to use my self-awareness and redirect my energies in constructive ways. Ability and willingness to move away from automatic responses and to choose my behaviors, reactions and actions. Whether or not the manager uses a planned dialogue format, or simply walks up and asks "What's happened since we last met?", he cannot anticipate what will be said in the coaching session. So, while the manager must be prepared for anything, he can't actually prepare or practice responding to what might happen. He must rely on his ability to think and feel clearly when the employee starts to talk. This becomes more of a challenge when the employee starts to talk about a situation that hits home for the manager or that has some echoes in his own past or present situation. As a coach, the manager needs to be sure that he is responding to the employee, and not substituting his own unfinished business. I know from my own past experience as a manager, that staying focused on the employee is not always an easy thing to do. For example, suppose my employee starts to talk about working with a very controlling colleague and I had a difficult experience with such a person in the past. I could be listening to the employee with my ears, but without carefully honed skills in self-awareness, I might be blind to that fact that my heart and mind are actually engaged in wrestling with my own past situation. So, if I felt powerless in the past, then I am likely to be listening for powerlessness in my employee and miss other important cues. In other words, the employee, in a subtle way, becomes me. And, my coaching becomes what I think I should have done in that situation. If I am lucky, my coaching is also on target for the employee. But, is luck what I want to base my effectiveness on? Self-awareness—noticing what gets triggered in me—is only the first step. Next, I must be able to choose a different response. If I notice that my employee’s story is triggering a powerful response in me, I can name it for myself as one possible way that my employee might be feeling. I have to avoid the trap of believing that my response is the most likely or most normal. I can then become curious, and use my inquiry skills (such as open ended questions, critical thinking and probing) to ask about and watch for what’s really going on for the employee. The employee could be excited about the opportunity to change the situation and reclaim personal power—even if such a response wasn't one that I might have in such a situation. Being able to stay in inquiry is an exercise in self-regulation. Self regulation is not repression. In fact, the more energy I use up repressing my own anger, helplessness, fear or joy, the less energy and empathy I have to give to my employee. Self regulation simply means that I can notice my reaction and then set it aside so that I can look at it in more detail later. In that moment, when I am with the employee, I must use all of my energies to focus on the person in front of me. Empathy: Being With and Apart From the Employee Empathy: the skill of noticing and understanding the emotional state of others, and responding to their emotional state in a congruent manner. Social awareness and social skills are also critical EI competencies for managers. In particular, the ability to create a safe environment for others enhances a manager’s effectiveness. Employees are generally cautious in their manager’s presence, especially when bringing bad news. Effective managers are also high in empathy—the ability to tune into the emotional state of the employee and dialogue about what is going on. It is the ability to"be here now", to stay in the present and to honor the emotional state of the employee with non-judgmental responses and genuine acceptance. It is also an ability to keep distance between me and the employee. So, while I can understand and accept fear, pain or joy, I know that it is the employee's state, not mine. The distance that I maintain is not the separation of cold indifference. In fact, I stay close because I am noticing, responding with a caring voice tone and warm eye contact. I am giving my attention, but I don’t become totally overwhelmed with the employee's feelings. I stay on the path near the employee, walking beside, lightly supporting and eventually letting go because I believe that the employee has the innate strength to learn, grow and become more effective. The Holistic Effect: Sum Greater than the Parts There is a synergistic relationship between the clusters of EI competencies. As the manager becomes more self-aware and self-regulating, employees are likely to experience heightened levels of safety in his presence. The level of openness is likely to rise and the manager will learn more of the information needed to take full advantage of the coaching moments that will support the employee's growth. Finally, mastery of self-awareness, self-regulation and empathy will enhance the manager's ability to focus on the employee and the work processes that need to be in place to support individual and organizational performance. ___________________________________________________ Carole Y. Lyles is President of the Columbia Resource Group. Her consulting practice is in organizational change, executive coaching, team building, facilitation and leadership development. Her consulting clients include Delaware Investments Group, Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority, the World Bank, District of Columbia Center for Workforce Development, Potomac Electric Power Company (PEPCO), Montgomery County Government, the Enterprise Foundation and Howard County Hospital. Seminars for managers on emotional intelligence, coaching and leading with emotional intelligence are offered as public workshops and as customized in-house workshops. Carole is certified to administer the HayMcBer Emotional Competence Inventory (a 360° instrument based on the work of Daniel Goleman). Carole Lyles can be reached at Columbia Resource Group at 410-992-7050 or by email at Carole @Lyles.net © 2001 Carole Y. Lyles.
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| “Managers are faced with an increasingly chaotic workplace and now must use all of their skills to build an empowered work team. Emotional Intelligence (EI) has received more and more attention as a critical cluster of skills for managers because the research shows that managers with high emotional intelligence competency also have work teams with higher productivity, innovation and job satisfaction.” |
